After many weeks, Hank gets an interview to see if he would be right for the show. Charlie, Hank and the interviewer met at the famous restaurant "Cafe Belle" . He drank a little to much and went over board insulting her and ended up not getting on the show. As a last option, Hank decided to take the job with "Helia magazine" Charlie was furious with Hank because that could have been both his and Hank's big break. So, Charlie decides to take a break from Hank and go relax at home for the week. Charlie's assistant "Lori" is married to a wealthy man named Richard. During that week, Charlie was having an affair Lori as Linda "Charlie's wife" was having an affair with Richard. Secretly, Charlie brings Lori to his place and Linda brings Richard to her place. Both couples here noises coming from different rooms, both Charlie and Lori and Linda and Richard walk and look through every room together until both couples are facing each other. They really didnt care that much when they saw each other. They ended up divorcing their original husband or wife and married the people they were having an affair with. When Hank agreed to work with "Helia Magazine" Jerry had to go on a business trip to get the legal documents stating "Hank is able to work with my magazine company."
So, Sharon was all alone. Hank thought this was the perfect opportunity to win Sharon back. Simpson drives over to Sharon's house and holds her into his arms rocking her back and forth until she looked him straight into his eyes, Sharon and Hank have a moment for over ten seconds until Hank goes 90% in for the kiss and Sharon goes in for the other 10%. He knew that this was going really well for him; he takes her hand and leads her to the bedroom. They undress each other slowly and romantically. They hop into bed and 10 minutes later magic happens. Unexpectedly, Jerry comes home quietly to surprise Sharon in bed, he sees a big lump under the covers thinking it was only Sharon rolled up into a ball. Jerry pulls back the covers on his side of the bed and tucks himself in and notices a hairy leg riding up the side of his body. Jerry quickly jumps out of bed, throws the covers off and sees Hank and Sharon naked face to face. Jerry was FURIOUS! He grabs his wedding ring, pushes Hank and Sharon off the bed to wake them up and he throws the wedding ring in the toilet and flushes. He walked out on Sharon!
2 months after Jerry walked out on Sharon, Hank and Sharon have been dating. A week after, Hank purposed to Sharon and without hesitation Sharon screamed YES! 1 month after they were engaged they had there wedding and everything went perfect after Jerry and Sharon split. After Hank and Sharon's wedding many things happened For Example, They had another child named Jamie and they moved into there former household. Everything was well when it came to the Simpson's. On the other hand, Jerry is home by himself every night with out anything to do. As you can see everything went well for Hank and Sharon but Jerry made the awful decision to walk out on Sharon because now his life is ruined with out her.
6 comments:
mandel,
i would say writers block is suffering, you could change it to hes got a bit of writers block. its not exactly suffering.
u mentions suffering from writers block 3 times in this story.. its not suffering its not like its a desies .
you made a littel mistake jerry moves in to sharon house. it should be jerry moves into sharonS house.
"he cleans up his act which means Hank is going to stop drinking large amounts of alcohol and snorting cocain" this is a bit derogitory. like when you say Snorting cocain. you could just change that to doing cocain.
jake, who drinks booze at a Cafe? what the... change it to a bar or something.
you need to work on a few things in this story.
there are a few spelling errors as i mentioned earlier and you. also grammer errors. like commas and quotes when they are not needed and a lot of random Run-on Sentences.
u put a lot of names in qutes which is not necassary.
there is no twist in this story
i was waiting for something to happen or someones luck to change but it didn't happen.
i dont no where the hook or the climax is in the story... you should really try to make those parts stand out because they are really important parts of the story . the reader needs to understand the hook/turning point.
Get rid of the random quotes on peoples name they are uneeded and make it look weird. just delete the quotation marks.
k well happily ever after really doesnt cut it for me. its too farytail like. Make it real!
the ending is way to short. you dont get a feeling of what its like after the climax ( and i dont even no where the climax is so its kinda confusing)your story is a little bit short.
its got really good potential i think. but you need to do some work to improve it and make it flow.
Not really much else i can say about this story.
so correct what you think is necassary. please take my advice into consideration. :)
bye
good story. i thought it would be better at the end if you were to put more on at the end of your story instead of all of them liveing happaly ever after and stuff. maybe you might want to put a bit more action in at the end to show how there realationship is. also in the middle you could explain a bit more on what they are doinging.
to be continued
fairly good plot here
you could have used more words like stunningly hot or extremely beautiful or other things like that instead of "smoking hot".
when you said that he had to clean up his act "he cleans up his act which means Hank is going to stop Drinking large amounts of Alcohol and Snorting Cocaine." you could have used something like abusing alcohol and using drugs such as cocaine.
and who drinks at a cafe? haha i think that a cafe isnt the kind of place for that so maybe you could have said that they met at a bar or an italian restaurant.
its not spelled permote its promote
i will post more later
there isnt much of a twist
it sounds like a grest idea but i think you have a lot of potential for a really good story
there are a few run on sentences, spelling mistakes and punctuation errors that i would fix for the good draft
the story was kind of confusing with all of the names and who is having an affair with who and all of the quotes but i can see why all of the names were needed
i think that you should add on to the ending a bit, hapily ever after is too made-up and unoriginal, try something new/fresh
90% and 10%
try 80-20
continued one
I like that you wrote in the thrid person because it makes it easyer for the reader to figure it all out. i like how the way you worded thing because it made me look at the charectors differently. Before i red the part when he was a drug addict i assume that he was a drug addict and involved in alchol and other things. I think you should add more to the ending because it went from the afair to the wedding. When you said they lived happaly ever after, does he still do drugs and is he still a heavy drinker or has he stoped and become supper rich and famous and stuff. Maybe you should say a bit more in the midddle about the kid and how there live is and maybe how there dad has impacted on there life. Has drugs and alcohol affected the daughter in any way. You could maybe say she has tried some lighter drugs and seeing if she likes them. You could describe a bit on Hanks best selling book. so what age group and the name of the book and a bit about the topic of it.
to be continued
continued
you might want to kind of discribe what a writers block is because not everone is going to understand what that mean like spencer. I like how you put the charactors in situations that make you remember who they are because i am not always good at remembering who is who so i like that. Back to the happaly ever after part, maybe you should say a bit on some other charactors to like lori. what happens to her because the reader will be wondering what is happening to theses people. over all i have to say that was a great story. it is up to you on what to change.
Mcwilder
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