nice poem man, i can tell your excited for summer first, u spelt queit wrong second, i think your poem is a little bit fake, i can't seem to find any real message or incentive here. Maybe there is but it doesnt come across very strong, try and make me think a little bit, add some more meaning to it but i still think u did a solid job well done
its really good, but i agree with medjuck it sound kind of robotic/denotation... you should add make some of it about how you feel, and your emotional conection with your camp. Also, make the amount of syllables closer together, its all over the place: 7 10 8 8 7 7 The last four lines are good but make the first two at most 1 syllable apart.
2 comments:
piggy...
nice poem man, i can tell your excited for summer
first, u spelt queit wrong
second, i think your poem is a little bit fake, i can't seem to find any real message or incentive here. Maybe there is but it doesnt come across very strong,
try and make me think a little bit, add some more meaning to it
but i still think u did a solid job
well done
its really good, but i agree with medjuck it sound kind of robotic/denotation... you should add make some of it about how you feel, and your emotional conection with your camp. Also, make the amount of syllables closer together, its all over the place:
7
10
8
8
7
7
The last four lines are good but make the first two at most 1 syllable apart.
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