15 Vernham Court
Toronto,Ontario
M2L 2B3
December 10, 2007
Mr. David Budden
Head of Admissions
Crescent School
2365 Bayview, Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
M2L 1A2
Dear Mr. Budden,
Hello Mr. Budden my name is Jake Mandel. I am currently an eighth grader at The Sterling Hall School. I arrived at Sterling Hall when I was ten years old, for grade four. My leadership position is Arts Captain for Visual Arts. When I toured Crescent, I observed the amazing Arts program and the wonderful facilities available. We met briefly at the high school exhibition at Sterling Hall. I know I will be having my interview soon and I look forward to meeting you again.
I am well suited for Crescent School because I can be a great role model for my peers and the younger kids at Crescent. As well, I would contribute and encourage other students to get involved in Community Service such as The North York Harvest Food Bank and The Terry Fox Foundation. Firstly, I would be a fantastic role model for my peers and the younger students because I can relate easily to kids of different ages and I am very patient and understanding. Whether it is sports or academics, I will always be there to lend a helping hand. I constantly work with younger kids, and help them with their studies and make sure they are always learning to the best of their potential. I always encourage younger kids to keep focused and attentive during class.
Community Service is very important to me. I feel that it is one of the most important endeavors a student can undertake. When I was on the tour, I could really see how Crescent really tries to help all communities. I remember Crescent has some terrific Outreach Programs. Tanzania, where we can help build a school, was my favourite. I have been personally trying to help as much as I can. My family and I have booked a day where we can travel around Toronto and feed the homeless. Experiences like these give me the foundation to help spread the word for how good it feels to “GIVE.†I plan to bring these ideals to Crescent School.
What I truly enjoy about Crescent is how all the teachers and faculty are always available for the students. It seems that teachers will go out of their way to help you with anything from academics, student life, or athletics. Speaking about athletics, I was delighted to see that Crescent School has both squash and tennis courts. I participate in both of these sports on our school teams at Sterling Hall. As you know, I am the Arts Captain at my school. I take a lot of interest in computer arts. When my brother comes home with a computer arts assignment, I always watch him do his homework as it really fascinates me. This is another aspect of Crescent School I plan to involve myself.
In conclusion, I really hope I will have the privilege of being admitted to Crescent. Crescent is my number one choice and it would mean a lot to me and to my family if I could attend your school, along with my brother Zachary, who presently attends Crescent. I hope that I will be able to spend the next four years of my life at Crescent.
Thank you,
(signature)
Jake Mandel
2 comments:
Great letter
some inmrovements...
I think you should put that Crescent is your first choice in the intro rather than the concusion because then Mr. Budden thinks wow this kid loves our school throuought the entire time he is reading it. You might also state in one of your body paragraphs what subjects you like/do best in, you might also want to include things at there school that are new experiences that you would like to try out. Another thing is that you might wat to put in something like this: At my school I did not perticularily like (Coose something) but I am willing to try again in your facilities. Include your interests and even is you don't think they will be impressed by one of them don't take it out because it shows them that you aren't trying to 'shine up' your-self and saying that you arn't perfect but I am still great. it will leave an impression like: this kid thinks he is a good candidate for this school, he will just be him-self and will still act as he is even when he comes to our school.
Oh whats with “GIVE.â€.
Hey,
Paragraph one:
Jake, you don't need to say hello Mr. Budden after Dear Mr. Budden. change for grade four to in grade four. change your A: "I can be a great role model for my peers and the younger kids at Crescent" change kids to students. It makes the whole deal sound a whole lot more professional. You should also mention that Crescent is your first choice school (unless this is to be a lie of course). The thesis sentence is suppose to be one sentence instead or two. You would encourage students to engage in the community helping out with projects such as...
Second Paragraph:
"I can relate easily to kids of different ages" to people of different ages.
Conclusion:
You should change presently attends to currently attends and you repeat the fact that you wish to be accepted three times in the conclusion. Maybe try not to be so repetitive.
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